burning question that just won’t quit? Why not Ask
GG?
Dear GG
I’ve heard rumours of late regarding a controversy
surrounding the authorship of several Thomas
Middleton plays, particularly A Cheap Maid In
Cheapside (1613) and The Puritan (1606). I had
always believed these to be the sole work of
Middleton. Can you clear this up, once and for all,
for Sweet Jesus sakes?
Dr. Q. Peters, Essex
Dear Dr. Q. Peters,
Whilst several of Middleton’s plays, the likes of
1611’s The Roaring Girl and 1622’s The Changeling,
are indeed collaborative works, the plays you
mention were written by Middleton himself. Also,
WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE YOU FUCKING OLD CUNT-FACED
CUNT-HEAD!! BASTARD FUCK-SCUM!!
Dear GG
Please settle an argument. My wife insists that
Venus is 60 million miles from the Sun, whilst I
maintain that the distance is, in fact, 58 million
miles. Could you help?
W. Hummings, Watford
Dear W. Hummings,
I’m afraid you are both wrong. Venus is actually a
whopping 67 million miles removed from the sun, or
0.72 AU. NOT THAT I GIVE A FUCK YOU FUCKING YUPPIE
SCUM-CUNT FUCK!!! HOW BOUT I SHIT IN YOUR EYES!!!!
Dear GG
I once returned home from work, around half past
five in the afternoon, and fell asleep. I woke up
twelve days later, quite hungry as you can imagine.
I was wondering, are there any creatures who have
extraordinarily long sleeping periods?
Molly Holmes, Islington
Dear Molly Holmes
That certainly sounds like quite the nap! Still, if
it’s a sleeping contest you’re after, you’d have to
go quite a bit longer to beat the humble snail.
Snails can sleep for a mammoth three years at a
time! Unlike the poor dragon-fly, which only lives
24 hours, and hasn’t much time for any sleep
whatsoever. AND FUCK YOU ANYHOW YOU BASTARD-MOUTHED
OLD FUCKER!!! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK YOU CUNT!!!
