THE DUKE ON SAVED
Christians, man. What a bunch a hilarious sons a bitches they can
be. If they’re not getting eaten by lions, or inventing The
Crusades, then they’re doing all sorts of wacky shit like trying to
“de-fag” homosexuals and generally being all up their own arseholes.
Really, you couldn’t make that kinda nonsense up, is what.
But to be at least 82% honest, I gotta admit the following; I get
the notion that maybe all Christians aren’t as self-righteous and
full of the proverbial, ie, detestable shit, as some folks would
have you believe. I get the crazy idea sometimes that, well, maybe
some of them are actually very fine folks.
I even get the hint of a suggestion that maybe when folks go on
about how daft those Christians are, what they really mean is,
“Shit, those self-righteous folks should be more like me.”
Which is the category into which we can fling Saved, a teen-comedy
flick about a bunch a holier-than-thou, wacky-ass Christians. You
get the notion that the flick might have something worthwhile to
say, if it wasn’t such a distastefully smug enterprise. Sometimes
it comes across as the celluloid equivalent of the motherfucker at
high school screaming “Nerd!” at a fella just because he wants to
watch some Woody Allen instead of maybe roll around in a field full
of shit grabbing onto folks genitals and then pretending it’s a
manly thing to be doing.
Every scene in Saved is dripping with “How cool are we, man,
compared to these wackos?” Still, the first half-hour is pretty
funny.
What the “plot”, “narrative” and so on concerns itself with, is
that Mary, played by Jena Malone, is a student at a deeply
conservative Christian High School. She does hilarious shit like
run around with Hilary Faye, a lass who loves nothing better than
to “save” troublesome students, like folks who maybe go drinking
and sexing instead of going to class, or perhaps some Jews.
Mary suffers something of a kick in the happiness glands when she
finds out that her boyfriend, Dean, is nothing less than a gay
homosexual. All sorts of crap ensues, like she tries to “fix” him
by having some sexes, and then a new girl starts at the school, a
Jewish lass who smokes and all sorts, and who then falls in love
with none other than Macaulay Culkin, who plays Roland, a fella in
a wheelchair who also happens to be Hilary’s brother.
As if anyone gives a rancid hand-sex for any of that bullshit. What
counts here is the “comedy”, the “satire” and so on, and if it’s at
all funny?
Brain Dannelly has certainly went out of his way to craft something
a tad “edgy”. The script, which went through 200-odd re-writes,
originally had Mary go mad as a motherfucker and shoot the hell out
of the school. Now, though, there’s just a fairly insipid prom
finale and a bunch of sarcastic smirking in the direction of the
faithful.
It’s true, man. There are teenagers who get all hung up on the
whole “righteousness” thang, and they do indeed end up being
intolerable motherfuckers, but they ain’t all like that, last time
I checked. Some of them are even fairly decent people.
You wouldn’t really know that from watching Saved, though. Well,
maybe in the last ten minutes when there’s the big revelation that
guess what, some Christians aren’t that bad, really.
Possible spoiler in previous paragraph.
Also, it’s nowhere near as smart as it thinks it is. It’s easy
enough to raise a laugh from lines like “Let’s get our Christ on”,
but it’s a bit like that scene in In Bed With Madonna when the star
mocks Kevin Costner for using the word “neat”. It’s all very mean-
spirited, is what.
Really, it’s not very endearing when a flick about how intolerant
Christians are turns out be very intolerant itself.
By way of mind-numbing twist, though, The Duke feels confident in
assuming that, whilst Saved can be rather offensive at times, it
never goes anywhere near far enough. It wants to poke fun at the
easy targets, is what, but it never bothers to dig any deeper. It
lets the pastor and his minions gabble on about Biblical laws and
how they forbid homosexuality and what not, but it also has a scene
where a girl bends over in Gym Class, and the girl behind says “I
can see your pad.” Surprisingly, these folks who are so keen on the
old “Biblical law” and all that jazz, they don’t send menstruating
women out into the wilderness for a week or two, like it says just
about, ooh, ten lines away from the law about getting naked with a
fella and then maybe rubbing him down with some oils and then
throwing on some Scissor Sisters and possibly sexing.
It doesn’t want to do no hard work with regards the pot-shots.
A whole bunch of financial backers abandoned the film mid-way
through, offended as they were by the content therein. What’s most
surprising, though, is that the producers had the audacity to ask a
church and a Christian rock band to contribute to the damn thing in
the first place. Just as well that co-producer Michael Stipe,
frontman with a popular rock band of some kind, Pearl Jam perhaps,
has enough money for any number of spiteful comedies.
So the conclusion to be reached, then, is that Saved has left The
Duke conflicted as that fella in Last Temptation Of Christ who
didn't know whether to die on a cross or go and have some sex.
Buddha, I think he was. I don’t know whether to applaud Saved for
having the nuts required to release this flick in a period where
conservative Christian values are as popular as they’ve been since
back when Bob Dylan made those three records about God, Heaven,
Jesus etc, or if we should be questioning the thinking behind a
film designed primarily to hurl dung in the face of a religious
group.
That right there wouldn’t wash if the film were titled Wacky
Muslims – How Fucking Daft Can They Be?, and it shouldn’t be any
more acceptable just because the targets are in the majority.
Incidentally, shit, man. It’s like Macaulay Culkin ain’t never been
away even for a motherfucking second all of a sudden.
Thanks folks.
Drop The Duke A Line Via Electronical Email
be. If they’re not getting eaten by lions, or inventing The
Crusades, then they’re doing all sorts of wacky shit like trying to
“de-fag” homosexuals and generally being all up their own arseholes.
Really, you couldn’t make that kinda nonsense up, is what.
But to be at least 82% honest, I gotta admit the following; I get
the notion that maybe all Christians aren’t as self-righteous and
full of the proverbial, ie, detestable shit, as some folks would
have you believe. I get the crazy idea sometimes that, well, maybe
some of them are actually very fine folks.
I even get the hint of a suggestion that maybe when folks go on
about how daft those Christians are, what they really mean is,
“Shit, those self-righteous folks should be more like me.”
Which is the category into which we can fling Saved, a teen-comedy
flick about a bunch a holier-than-thou, wacky-ass Christians. You
get the notion that the flick might have something worthwhile to
say, if it wasn’t such a distastefully smug enterprise. Sometimes
it comes across as the celluloid equivalent of the motherfucker at
high school screaming “Nerd!” at a fella just because he wants to
watch some Woody Allen instead of maybe roll around in a field full
of shit grabbing onto folks genitals and then pretending it’s a
manly thing to be doing.
Every scene in Saved is dripping with “How cool are we, man,
compared to these wackos?” Still, the first half-hour is pretty
funny.
What the “plot”, “narrative” and so on concerns itself with, is
that Mary, played by Jena Malone, is a student at a deeply
conservative Christian High School. She does hilarious shit like
run around with Hilary Faye, a lass who loves nothing better than
to “save” troublesome students, like folks who maybe go drinking
and sexing instead of going to class, or perhaps some Jews.
Mary suffers something of a kick in the happiness glands when she
finds out that her boyfriend, Dean, is nothing less than a gay
homosexual. All sorts of crap ensues, like she tries to “fix” him
by having some sexes, and then a new girl starts at the school, a
Jewish lass who smokes and all sorts, and who then falls in love
with none other than Macaulay Culkin, who plays Roland, a fella in
a wheelchair who also happens to be Hilary’s brother.
As if anyone gives a rancid hand-sex for any of that bullshit. What
counts here is the “comedy”, the “satire” and so on, and if it’s at
all funny?
Brain Dannelly has certainly went out of his way to craft something
a tad “edgy”. The script, which went through 200-odd re-writes,
originally had Mary go mad as a motherfucker and shoot the hell out
of the school. Now, though, there’s just a fairly insipid prom
finale and a bunch of sarcastic smirking in the direction of the
faithful.
It’s true, man. There are teenagers who get all hung up on the
whole “righteousness” thang, and they do indeed end up being
intolerable motherfuckers, but they ain’t all like that, last time
I checked. Some of them are even fairly decent people.
You wouldn’t really know that from watching Saved, though. Well,
maybe in the last ten minutes when there’s the big revelation that
guess what, some Christians aren’t that bad, really.
Possible spoiler in previous paragraph.
Also, it’s nowhere near as smart as it thinks it is. It’s easy
enough to raise a laugh from lines like “Let’s get our Christ on”,
but it’s a bit like that scene in In Bed With Madonna when the star
mocks Kevin Costner for using the word “neat”. It’s all very mean-
spirited, is what.
Really, it’s not very endearing when a flick about how intolerant
Christians are turns out be very intolerant itself.
By way of mind-numbing twist, though, The Duke feels confident in
assuming that, whilst Saved can be rather offensive at times, it
never goes anywhere near far enough. It wants to poke fun at the
easy targets, is what, but it never bothers to dig any deeper. It
lets the pastor and his minions gabble on about Biblical laws and
how they forbid homosexuality and what not, but it also has a scene
where a girl bends over in Gym Class, and the girl behind says “I
can see your pad.” Surprisingly, these folks who are so keen on the
old “Biblical law” and all that jazz, they don’t send menstruating
women out into the wilderness for a week or two, like it says just
about, ooh, ten lines away from the law about getting naked with a
fella and then maybe rubbing him down with some oils and then
throwing on some Scissor Sisters and possibly sexing.
It doesn’t want to do no hard work with regards the pot-shots.
A whole bunch of financial backers abandoned the film mid-way
through, offended as they were by the content therein. What’s most
surprising, though, is that the producers had the audacity to ask a
church and a Christian rock band to contribute to the damn thing in
the first place. Just as well that co-producer Michael Stipe,
frontman with a popular rock band of some kind, Pearl Jam perhaps,
has enough money for any number of spiteful comedies.
So the conclusion to be reached, then, is that Saved has left The
Duke conflicted as that fella in Last Temptation Of Christ who
didn't know whether to die on a cross or go and have some sex.
Buddha, I think he was. I don’t know whether to applaud Saved for
having the nuts required to release this flick in a period where
conservative Christian values are as popular as they’ve been since
back when Bob Dylan made those three records about God, Heaven,
Jesus etc, or if we should be questioning the thinking behind a
film designed primarily to hurl dung in the face of a religious
group.
That right there wouldn’t wash if the film were titled Wacky
Muslims – How Fucking Daft Can They Be?, and it shouldn’t be any
more acceptable just because the targets are in the majority.
Incidentally, shit, man. It’s like Macaulay Culkin ain’t never been
away even for a motherfucking second all of a sudden.
Thanks folks.
Drop The Duke A Line Via Electronical Email
